September: Visibility 

Hi! I’m Claire, psychologist, writer, and entrepreneur on a mission to help you build the (post-traumatic) life you love. 

Each month, I’ll discuss a trauma-related theme, with posts dropping every Friday. The content will range from personal narrative, to tips and advice, to how these ideas relate to the world around us. I’m so glad you’re here!

This Month’s Theme: Visibility

Visibility has been on my mind a lot lately, and so that’s where I’ll begin. 

A Pattern Noticed

About eight months ago, I started a business program, and during my intro call, I told Summer, the lovely woman at the other end of the Zoom call, about a pattern I’d noticed in my life. How I wanted to do something bigger, create more impact, put my writing into the world and join the conversation. How I’d been wanting this for quite a while now. And yet, consistently, I struggled with putting myself out there. I would open the door slightly, a whisper of something to say on my lips, but as soon as someone heard me or responded, I’d slam it shut, embarrassed. 

It’s pretty hard to build something with energy like that.

Understanding Visibility

I was surprised to see that Summer was not surprised. Clearly, she’d heard this before. In fact, they spoke about visibility regularly in the program and even had a training on it. She told me it was a common area that people needed to work through when building a business or up-leveling their work in the world.   

And so, I’ve been working on it. On my visibility wounds and the blocks that get in the way of speaking up, writing publicly, and building the business and community that I feel called to build. 

The Journey of Speaking Up

I’ve been on a path of understanding, healing, and continuing to work on this part of myself. In some ways it feels like my dharma has been learning how to speak up. 

Here we go again. 

What does it mean to be visible? To be seen? Why is it so damn scary? And what does it mean for trauma survivors specifically?   

We all struggle with this to some extent. I hear it again and again from clients sitting across from me, asking questions like: 

• “How do I feel more connected to people?”
• “How do I find the courage to share more of myself with others?”
• “How can I risk being my authentic self with my partner/child/boss/friends?” 

This can be hard for everyone, but for survivors, there’s often an added barrier since being seen can feel synonymous with being unsafe or targeted. Additionally, speaking up may have been paired with rejection or loss. If those are the experiences you’ve had, it can be challenging, if not impossible, to believe that speaking up or being seen could lead to something different. To something good. Perhaps even wonderful.  

Authenticity and Connection

Visibility is about authenticity, vulnerability, and showing the eff up. It’s about showing our true selves to the people we love–to our partners, our kids, our sisters, our friends. But it also expands to how we show ourselves to the world. 

How do we find the courage to be connected? To play big? To be seen? 

My Own Path to Visibility

I’ve had quite the journey myself, in figuring out who my authentic self was, and then how to show it. First to the people I love, and now, to the world. 

And while my visibility wounds run deep, no doubt, the rewards I’ve gotten by continuing on this path has given me something greater and more beautiful than I could have ever imagined. It’s given me genuine connection and love. It has deepened all of my relationships. 

But more important than any of that, I found out that I could be myself. Out loud. And what a fucking blessing that is. I mean, isn’t that the point? 

Looking Ahead

This month, I’ll post a bit about my process around visibility and then provide some tips for how to walk this path yourself. 

It’s been a journey, and I’ve gotten there step by step.